Escalators

Yesterday, while mama and I were rushing to catch the airport train to our connecting flight, we came upon an escalator. A really tall one. And, as I always do, I uttered under my breath how they freak me out and how non-sensical the fear is while pausing slightly to choose the exact right step. All of a sudden mama pipes up: "Oh you've always been scared of them, since you were a little girl!" I've always been convinced that something terrible happened on an escalator when I was a little girl. When I mentioned it, she said "Nope, you've just always been scared. I always stood in front of you so you didn't lose your balance." Then, as real mothers do, she walked up two steps to stand in front of me on yet another escalator.

I am a deeply sensitive person. I often read too much into things. And am more often than not led by my emotions. So, it's quite natural that this touched me on levels deeper than she would have expected. It's because often our fears can be paralyzing. Noone understands them because of their view of you. That often means that we try to yank people away from that fear, prop them up with compliments, encouraging words and scripture. I'm guilty of doing this (a lot). And this reaction isn't the wrong one. But sometimes we just need to get in front of them, stand in the gap and protect them through that fear. Whether or not we understand it and no matter how ridiculous we think it is. Instead of saying "Girl, you're too old to still be afraid of the escalator," mama just acknowledged that I'm still struggling with it and stepped in to cover me in the moment.

So I want to reciprocate. This is mama's first trip out of the country. A trip where she will see and touch things that she's seen in books and on TV for years. And I feel that's it's my job to protect her and this experience. While I don't think she's afraid now, she initially had fear coming here. And getting her here (especially to Paris) after all of the terrorism and unrest in the world was some of my best PR and persuasive work to date. It also means that my sense of responsibility is heightened.

Today, while walking through Amsterdam, I found myself being very overprotective of my mama. Telling her to watch her step on the cobblestone streets...like every five steps. She kept saying "I got it Kim, I got it, I'm not that old!" Or how I nearly yanked her away from the gap between the platform and train when she refused to stop walking so close to it (my blood pressure was rising). And it's not that I want to have it my way. I just want to cover her. I want things to be perfect for her. I kinda wish my daddy was here to see this (I know she does too). His mind would be blown, he would be so tickled, so proud to be here with me just like she is and so in awe of their blessings.

So I start my trip by thanking mama for protecting me even in the times that I can't remember. For letting me have fears and just doing her part. For being more open-minded than I thought she was. And for letting me be me...stupid fears and all.

On our way...do NOT judge me for the way my hair looks. I worked so much in the hours leading up to vacation that I just didn't have time to tackle. It gets better, I promise.

Me and mama in the air. And yes, I AM twisting my hair on the plane. 

Amost there! I think we were somewhere over London at this time. 

So CLOSE to first-class, yet so far away. LOL