B.G.T.Y.

While in the air on my way to Paris, a beautiful song by one of my favorite artists, Ledisi, came blaring through my headphones. I had just dozed off when the song came on. The song is called B.G.T.Y. What the hell does "biggity" stand for you ask?

"Be Good to Yourself!" 

Here are a few of the lyrics:

"When you're traveling, Through the highs and the lows

Make sure you listen to your spirit, You gotta take care of your soul

Hold on and never give up, You can get through whatever

Always make time For yourself

You gotta be good to yourself, You can't wait on nobody else"

The song came on at such an important moment in my journey. I was three hours into a packed six-plus-hour flight on a budget airline (read: seats tiny as hell and legroom nonexistent). To top it off, the woman in front of me reclined her seat so she was basically laying in my lap. I was struggling. Had three winks of sleep up until that point (add that to the zero winks the night before and you can just imagine how gorg I was looking and feeling).

Now I had the opportunity to pay $75 extra for an exit row seat with endless legroom. But I chose not to, felt unnecessary, felt like a splurge when I could just take my chances at seat assignment at the airport. I know, these all sound like "rich people problems," as my Auntie would say, but stay with me on this one. 

As I sat there, awake, legs hurting, frustrated at myself, I couldn't help but play a few things through. How this isn't the first time I've pushed some "excess" for myself to the side or am so considerate of others at the expense of my own discomfort. 

In that moment, it all connected for me. The issue is bigger than the flight. It's more about the way I live my life. And sometimes, admittedly, I'm living it at a deficit when it comes to being good, I mean REALLY GOOD, to myself.

If you know me, you know I'm a girl who grew up without fancy things or silver spoons. I've worked since I was 15 anywhere that would hire and pay me. And since then, I've done well for myself. And I'm proud. But I still haven't mastered the mindset of being entitled to my success. I now have the means and access but lack the mentality. Yes, I have a nice home, drive the car I want and take vacations when I'm able. But those feel to me like things I should have or be able to do at my pay grade. And those aren't even good indicators that I'm really being good to myself because anyone with a decent enough credit score and a few extra bucks can have those, too.

B.G.T.Y. is different. It's a spiritual thing. It's taking into account what you know about yourself and acting or rewarding yourself accordingly. It's saying no to others more. Its saying yes to yourself more often than not. It's realizing that choosing your own comfort over others' isn't selfish. It's treating yourself as the most important asset you have. It's prayer. And connection with God. It's giving yourself a break and remembering that you're a work in progress. It's living your best life. It's knowing that sparing someone else's feelings while yours hurt isn't always the right thing to do. 

And that concept, my friends, I have not mastered. But I took a bold step to show I'm ready to get on that road. After 3 hours, I took both of my legs and threw them out in the aisle. Something that other tall people all over the plane had done the moment we took off. In that moment, I went from being the girl who would never recline her seat if someone was sitting back there to the one who people were literally having to step over, bump into and apologize or go around the other way. With that move, my frustration disappeared, I got a bit more rest and relaxed. The most remarkable thing is that no one complained or seemed annoyed. The flight attendants and others would apologize profusely when they would graze my legs or wake me as they bumped past. It's like the universe saw what I was doing for myself and responded in kind.

So my theme for this trip, the New Year and beyond is B.G.T.Y. And be unapologetic about it. Let's get this party started! Europe ain't ready!

Me - Looking rode hard and hung up wet A.K.A. Pre-BGTY

Me - Post-BGTY